Ahhh I’m feeling pretty nervous about this post I’m not gunna lie, but it just doesn’t feel right to jump back into my usual kind of content without talking about it, and I don’t want to be that person that just shares the good stuff. I hope if you are feeling in a similar way to how I’ve felt the past few months, this gives you some comfort. I’m learning my mental health isn’t something I should be ashamed of, and being honest about how I feel is one of the most powerful ways to get through the harder times.
But what do you do when you just can’t feel it? When you know you have so many amazing things in your life but all you’re doing is thinking negatively. This is exactly how I’ve felt, and it’s really hard to get out of it. It’s exhausting, constantly feeling down and putting on a happy face when inside you don’t feel it at all. I don’t know how I found myself feeling that way to be honest, it’s a scary place to be in and I felt like it was just getting out of control.
A month ago I decided to see a therapist once a week. I feel like I’m slowly getting back to feeling happier and myself again, I unintentionally took a step back from blogging and social media, and I’m learning more about what actually makes me tick and feel good every day, I just need a little help along the way this time. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m taking steps in the right direction. I really do believe a positive can come from anything, and there’s always something to learn, even if at the time all you can think about is the worst thing possible happening (trust me, I’ve been there).
The biggest positive out of all of this for me is having the courage to just go and speak to someone. I plan on talking more about this in the future, but I had a pretty tough time growing up and I think I’ve had some things I needed to deal with for years. Another thing for me is finding happiness in things I just didn’t realise actually made me feel good before. I’m an extravert and thrive around other people and human connection, and I’m realising this now. It’s always been there with everything I do, I started by blog to connect with people online, I go to the gym because I like being in the company of others, I work in an office because I need that interaction with people everyday. Now I know this makes me happy I’m able to put things into place so I can be around people more, it’s a simple thing but day to day it makes me feel like the best version of myself.
I guess my aim with this post was to bring you up to speed with how I’ve really been feeling, and to remind you that your mental health comes first, for me having therapy is like having physio, why wouldn’t you look after your mind like you would any other body part? It’s also made me think more about social media, when I was in a negative headspace it just wasn’t the place to be, scrolling wasn’t fun anymore and it was the opposite of being sociable, escaping from everything in a bad way. It’s been a hard thing to find a balance with as I love it most of the time, but ultimately having that time away from anything digital is really what I need to stay happy.
I feel grateful that I managed to nip this in the bud within a matter of months but I know so many people don’t, if you’re not happy don’t sit in silence. I’m not sure how much to talk about therapy/ counselling at the moment, but all I can say is that it’s helping me massively, everyone’s experience will be different but ultimately they’re there to help you get through whatever it is you’re dealing with. This post is literally all of my thoughts typed out, so I hope it makes sense. If you are feeling like you need support, the charity Mind are amazing.
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