The Reality of Being in a Long Distance Relationship.

I’m still milking the Instagram questions feature – definitely my fave, and a question that crops up every time is something along the lines of “how do you cope with your husband working away?”. A fair question, and it’s something I’ve never blogged about before. It feels quite personal, but it’s a massive part of my life and if I can help anyone who’s in the same situation or thinks they could be in the future, then it’s worth going over…

A bit more context to the situ

Here’s what it’s looked like the past 7 and a half years…

2011-2013 – Not long distance, saw each other pretty much every day.

2013-2016 –  I went to uni and moved away, Jay got a job away from home.

2016-2018 – Jay still worked away but I moved back home, we got engaged, started saving for our wedding and getting ready to move in together etc.

2019 – Jays working away again

By now you would think it’s a lot easier to deal with, but it’s not, I think I’m just better at knowing how best to cope and stay positive, I still miss him all the same, if not more. Like anyone married or in a relationship, they’re your best friend and someone that you enjoy spending time with, so when they’re not there, especially if things in life get a bit rocky, it’s hard. A week or two I’m ok with, but it’s the long stints of not seeing him for weeks/ months on end that impact my life a little more.

The good and the bad

There are some amazing positives to take away from long distance. I’m quite independent (apart from when it comes to ironing), I have my own friends who I’ve always kept intouch with (a very supportive group of gals who I honestly don’t know where I would be without), my career is progressing and I have more time to focus on that. I enjoy my life and even without Jay around I have things to focus on that mean a lot to me.

It also gives us time to be alone, granted I would much prefer Jays company, but I like that I’m independent and on a day to day basis I’ve proved to myself that I don’t need to rely on anyone to get by. Even now during the periods where we see each other every day for months, we’re so grateful that we finally got to this point. Obviously I don’t know how it is for couples who have never experienced being long distance, but I really do think it makes us value our time together so much more.

Long distance relationships require a lot of positivity, trust and as obvious as it sounds, a real want to make it work, especially in the beginning. We try to speak as much as possible and dedicate even just 10 minutes of our day to each other, it’s not a lot, but when that’s all you have some times you have to make do. I truly believe that if you want to make it work with someone you can, regardless of how often you see them.

As I mentioned earlier, it doesn’t actually get easier. It’s so strange adjusting to being on your own, cooking meals for one, doing things you would do as a pair solo. For the first week of Jay being away I barely cooked tea for myself, I didn’t see any joy in just cooking for myself, I tried Hello Fresh last week and thankfully that’s really made me love it again. It’s those little things you do that feel so different. It’s the silence in the house too, I’m a massive extrovert and I have to put so many things in place to make sure I feel as positive as I can while I’m on my own.

In general it’s just a massive change, you have to adjust like with any life event. You have good days and bad days, some days you feel it way more than others. I make sure to document the times we do have together (hence the Instax images – I kept myself busy last weekend), and as soppy as it sounds I treasure those memories. Another thing that gets me through it is that I know it isn’t forever, we’re both in the fortunate position where we’re young without anything that ties us down, and I’m grateful to have someone who supports my blog/ career, so I support his decisions too.

I asked you guys what you wanted to know, so I’ve answered your q’s.

How do you find time to talk/ spend time with each other when your schedules differ? 

We always try to speak in the evenings, even when we had a time difference we managed to find moments to have proper catch ups. It’s like exercise, if you want to make time for it, you will (I’m just waiting for the moment I actually want to exercise now…)

How do you keep the romance alive when so far away? 

All in all, naturally it just doesn’t go away, and actually it’s kept alive knowing it’s not forever that we won’t see each other! Of-course we’ll do nice things for each other, and that makes a massive difference. I think there’s so many things you can do to make your other half feel appreciated and loved, even when you’re miles away!

Does it get easier?

In a way, you figure out ways to make your life enjoyable even with a massive piece missing.

Did you ever ask him to stay?

Never, I barely tell him I miss him when he’s away because it is what it is and I know he will be back soon.

How do you deal with being alone if your friends aren’t around?

Friends are a massive safety blanket for me, luckily I’ve met some lovely people where I live now who I get on well with and would consider friends! I’ve had to put myself out there but it’s been an amazing few months meeting new people and making new friends both through work and blogging.

Does one person take charge more of the bigger things; house hunting, rent, etc? 

Not really, we do things joint still and that works out well for us! Communication and being honest is the best way forward when it comes to this, we have a set up that works really well that we are both happy with.

 

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I hope if you’re just curious or are in a long distance relationship this has been useful…

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30 responses to “The Reality of Being in a Long Distance Relationship.”

  1. Lauren-J says:

    A lot of love for this post. You and Jay have such a lovely relationship! Thank you for writing this I’m sure you’ll help a lot of people with this post!
    Lauren xx

  2. Charlotte says:

    Such admiration for this post as I know how hard it can be but it’s amazing that you both make it work! xx

    http://www.styleandsplurging.net

  3. Lisa Autumn says:

    Girl I had my fair share of long distance relationships… it’s so hard. Thank you for sharing your experience!

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

  4. Zoey says:

    Great post! My husband works long hours and is away a few times a year too. We allow each other space and freedom to do whatever we desire to do and it just works – he’s my best friend too!

  5. Danielle Alexa says:

    I cannot imagine how challenging it must be at times. It takes one hell of a strong relationship!

    Danielle xx
    https://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

  6. Fiona says:

    I love reading about other people’s experiences of being in a long-distance relationship. I’ve been in a LDR for about a year of my two-year relationship with my current boyfriend. I also did long-distance with an ex when I was studying for a year abroad in Spain so it’s been interesting to see the difference between last time and this time.

    I totally relate to what you mean about how it never gets easier, but you learn in your own little way how to make the periods of time feel more normal. I work in London and sometimes, after a hectic week, all I need is some downtime on my own. If Jack does happen to come down that weekend however, all the better!

    This time round, long-distance has honestly been much easier with my current relationship. I think it comes down to being able to respect each other’s space and not feeling like we have to speak all day everyday – life gets busy but we always make time to still catch-up and spend time together! I’m hoping it continues to feel this natural however life pans out! Loved reading this x

    • Jodie says:

      Completely agree that respect is so important, it sounds like you’ve got it down and are taking all the benefits from it! I’m sure it will continue to feel natural, I think communication is key!

  7. Arianna says:

    I really admire how long you’ve been in a long distance relationship. It shows just how determined and strong your relationship is!❤️

    Arianna | Southernbelleforever.com

  8. Isobel says:

    This must be so hard! I’d hate a long distance relationship, glad it works for you though lovely! Your doing so well with it all!

    Isobel x

    New post: http://fashionistachic14.blogspot.com/2019/01/advice-cutting-out-all-negativity.html?m=1
    Insta: https://www.instagram.com/isobelceline/
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  9. This is such a brave and honest post for you to share Jodie and I’m sure it will be so helpful for anyone else going through the same situation! I can only imagine how difficult it can be, but it sounds like you have some great things in place to keep yourself positive. This was a very interesting read and thank you for choosing to share it with all of us 🙂 xo

    Char | http://www.charslittleblog.co.uk

    • Jodie says:

      Thanks so much Charlotte, really appreciate your comment! Hoping it will be helpful to some people and I’m so glad you found it interesting 🙂

  10. Jessie says:

    This was really helpful! I had been with someone for a few months and at the start of Jan he went away to New Zealand for a year (a trip he’d planned before we got together). I have good and bad days – I find it best to keep busy and to get things planned! Such a lovely post xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

    • Jodie says:

      Thanks so much Jessie, ahh what rubbish timing! It all just takes some getting used to I think. Always a message away if you ever need it! x

  11. Elena says:

    My boyfriend and I live together and have been for four years and we love each other company despite both us being veeeery independent and enjoying our own company too. due to a change in his career ( a very good one ) he will be away a lot soon and I think it will be hard to adjust. We hopefully will find our groove with it and make the time we have together even more special.
    ❤︎

    http://www.elenaisabelle.com

    • Jodie says:

      I hope you find the transition okay, I’m sure you will find your way! Especially going into it with the mentality that you will find your groove 🙂 the nice part is you will appreciate the time you do have together even more x

  12. Mariya says:

    Your relationship is so strong! I wish you all the best!

    Mariya | http://www.brunetteondemand.com

  13. Gemma says:

    I’ve done the whole long distance thing and it really is hard. I do think it makes you appreciate one another though as it makes the time you do spend together all the more special xx

    Gemma Etc. ❤️

  14. Jasmine says:

    I think from my experience, I’ve understood that to me, I can get through being apart as long as there’s an ‘end’ in sight – if there’s not, it’s something I find difficult.
    Long distance definitely puts pressure on a relationship but it definitely makes you assess if it’s worth it and if you come out the other side you can likely go the distance in other ways! Sounds like you’ve figured out how to meet each other’s emotional needs and have put in the effort to make it work 🙂

    Jasmine xx

    Jasmine Talks Beauty

    • Jodie says:

      I definitely agree, having an end in sight really does make a difference. We’ve had a few years practise now it’s not quite as bad! x

  15. Oreleona says:

    LOVE this post! I’m also in a long distance relationship (because of school) we just recently got married. we have been long distance 3 years before the wedding and as well as 1 year while we were dating beforehand. I feel like it became harder when we got married but I totally agree with you, having a group of close friends totally helps especially with the loneliness. Communication and trust is MAJOR in long distance relationships!! also looking forward to when next y’all meet actually is encouraging in the relationship

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